tabletop-test.com https://tabletop-test.com Fri, 29 Mar 2019 18:45:30 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=4.9.13 https://tabletop-test.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/07/cropped-TT-32x32.png tabletop-test.com https://tabletop-test.com 32 32 Farewell Tabletop-Test https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/29/farewell/ Fri, 29 Mar 2019 18:45:09 +0000 https://www.tabletop-test.com/?p=3080 This is my last post for this amazing site. I have loved being able to pour my heart and soul…

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This is my last post for this amazing site. I have loved being able to pour my heart and soul into 60 posts on this website, writing about topics in gaming that really matter to me.

I was more than thrilled when Dan asked me to be a part of this team. The timing worked out perfectly. I was about to put in my notice to quit my job in board game distribution to chase my dream of being a full-time writer. Game journalism was very exciting!

One of my primary goals is to make the hobby of gaming more inclusive. I believe a huge component of inclusivity is creating welcoming ways into the hobby with accessible ways to learn games.

Being able to craft a series to teach the basics of Magic was very exciting. As the founder of the Lady Planeswalkers Society, I was thrilled to continue my contributions to the Magic: The Gathering community in this new way. I hoped to lead people from never touching a Magic card to being able to play in tournaments if they want.

Creating a series called Gateway Games and exploring the variety of genres of board games to help people interested in games was also a fun, inspiring experience. Board games have always been important to me and I believe that anyone can learn valuable skills from learning and playing games. With the number of board games that exist in the world, I wanted to make an easy to follow guide to help new players find the right board games for them.

What’s Next for Me?

The Kickstarter for my upcoming, debut novel, “The Explorers of Azullucent” was successfully funded within the last 24 hours. It is a young adult fantasy novel with feminist themes that I started writing when I was only 14 years old. The story follows the coming-of-age stories of a swashbuckling pirate captain, a rebellious princess, and an adventure-seeking outlander. If you would like your chance to check out my novel and potentially pre-order a copy, please follow the project for updates.

I plan to continue blogging, potentially more regularly now. I like to blog about a variety of topics including gaming, parenting, mental health, and criticizing media I love from a feminist perspective.

I will still be around in the gaming industry and my heart will always be with tabletop games. Please say hi if you see me at a convention and feel free to give me a shout out on Twitter.

Thank you all for your support on the site and for reading my work. I am honored to have been a part of this tabletop-test family.

Happy gaming!

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Warhammer Wednesday – Signing Off https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/27/warhammer-wednesday-signing-off/ Wed, 27 Mar 2019 16:54:00 +0000 https://tabletop-test.com/?p=3050 +++Sector T-T Test+++ +++Priority Message+++ +++Message Begins+++   It is with great sadness I write my final article for Table-Top…

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+++Sector T-T Test+++

+++Priority Message+++

+++Message Begins+++

 

It is with great sadness I write my final article for Table-Top Test. Sharing my incoherent ramblings with you all has been an absolute delight. Alas it now comes to the end. I trust you will all join me in saluting Dan for the work he has put in bringing together the Table-Top Test team and trying to make a diverse environment of folk writing about games. With all my heart I wish him the greatest of success in his future endeavours.

As for me? I will continue inflicting my wargaming blog http://sisterofshouting.blogspot.com/ upon the internet. I’ll probably update more often as my best material is no longer reserved for this site. The articles published here will eventually make their way over to the blog too. Maybe I’ll carry on writing gaming news and opinion pieces elsewhere? Maybe I’ll finally write that RPG I’ve been failing to work on for the last decade? Maybe I’ll one day manage to defeat my daughter at a game of AoS? Maybe this paragraph was leading somewhere?

 

+++The Future for Games Workshop+++

 

Keep your eyes peeled. Games Workshop has got some absolutely stonking content lined up this year. The forces of chaos have arisen once more in the 41st Millennium and the Mortal Realms; bringing with them a Baroque style loved by many. The Sisters of Battle will be making planetfall towards the end of the year. I can’t wait, there will still be a few problematic elements of the Sororitas but gosh it will be good to see them return.

Kill Team continues to expand with Elites coming up. This will allow you to add all sorts of bigger and bolder models to your teams; even the Custodes are getting stuck in. Meanwhile Age of Sigmar will be seeing its own skirmish type game showcasing battle across the chaos wastes. I’m still reserving judgement on this one but… I dunno. Certainly Shadespire has proven popular and introduce some stunning new sculpts to the model range. In particular Shadespire has been a testing ground for increased female representation and more people of colour in the painted models.

The Games Workshop Funko pops (designed by fan favourite Sarah Kaiser) will hit the stores soon. Grab yours whilst they are available if it’s your thing. I anticipate high demand for conversions and re-painting purposes. There are also some other things like boardgames and Age of Sigmar Munchkin (oh gods no, whhhhyyyyy????) that may appeal to folk who, erm, find those things appealing?

 

+++A Quiz+++

 

Let me finish with a quick ‘Which famous Warhammer 40,000 character are you?’ quiz…

What do you enjoy most?

  1. Skulls
  2. Blood
  3. Technology

What is the best part of warfare?

  1. Skulls
  2. Blood
  3. Technology

What do you like to decorate your armour with?

  1. Skulls
  2. Blood
  3. Technology

Results

Mostly 1 – You are Ka’banda, Daemon Prince of Khorne

Mostly 2 – You are Dante, Lord of Ba’al and protector of Imperium Nihilus

Mostly 3 – You are Belisarious Cawl, creator of the Primaris Marines

 

+++Message Ends+++

+++Signal Lost+++

+++Thought of the Day: ‘Can Canids look up?’+++

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Gateway Games: Games That Take Hours https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/26/long-games/ Tue, 26 Mar 2019 13:06:30 +0000 https://www.tabletop-test.com/?p=3069 Gateway Games is a series of articles aimed at helping you find the games that are right for you. Today is…

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Gateway Games is a series of articles aimed at helping you find the games that are right for you. Today is the last article in this series. I want to jump into the deep end of gaming and recommend some games that take many hours to play. If you have fallen in love with board gaming, it’s worth checking these out.

Arkham Horror

Starting my recommendations for longer games is one of my favorite cooperative games of all-time – Arkham Horror. Themed in the world of H.P. Lovecraft’s infamous Cthulu Mythos, players take on the role of investigators trying to prevent alien invaders from breaking through space and time into our world. There are eight possible Ancient Ones, or enemies. One is chosen before the start of each game, which adds to the replayability. Each player gets to choose a character that they want to represent out of sixteen options, each with their own deck of cards, abilities, and back stories. Characters level up throughout the game, participating in battling monsters and picking up skills, allies, items, weapons, and spells along the way.

I love the flavor of the game and believe it is best played with a little bit of role-playing (like you would expect in a D&D campaign), but that is certainly not required. This game can play 1-8 players, but it is best between 4-6 players (in my opinion, 4 players if you ask boardgamegeek). It does take more time the more players you have, so keep that in mind when choosing what friends you want to save the world with.

Diplomacy

Diplomacy has a reputation for ruining friendships. I’ll admit, I have never played the game myself, but I used to host parties for people to play. It was entertaining just listening to all the secret conversations and to watch the backstabbing happen as alliances were ruined and trust broken. I know multiple friendships that ended over this game. So, play it with that warning in mind…

Diplomacy is truly one of the most intense negotiation games out there. Players each become the leader of a different European country out of the “Great Powers” before World War I – Great Britain, France, Austria-Hungary, Germany, Italy, Russia, and Turkey. It is best played with seven players so that each country is represented. The game is played in rounds that represent the course of many years. The mechanics are quite simple. The entirety of the gameplay requires players to write out what they are doing with their military units each turn. The only options are moving into new territory, holding their position, or supporting an ally. The complexity comes from the required negotiation with other players. There is nothing quite like it.

Twilight Imperium

Twilight Imperium is known as one of the longest board games to play, so I’ll keep my explanation short. Players take over one of seventeen available fleets in a galactic war with the goal of dominating the entire galaxy. Each faction offers a unique playstyle and the game has components of standard warfighting tactics, political negotiations, and economic bargaining. The game starts with a series of tile placing as players create the game board. Then the game begins and takes hours to complete. This is another game that is best at its maximum amount of players, six. It is a must play if you want to unlock an honorable achievement in the tabletop world to express your commitment to the hobby.

I hope this series has helped game-curious folks and gamers (new and old) find board games to add to their collections, helped families find games to enjoy together, and helped avid gamers teach their friends some awesome, beginner friendly board games. I have loved writing each one of these articles and hope they have provided you with some entertainment as well.

Happy gaming!

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Goodbye, Farewell and Amen: A Look Back at Tabletop-Test https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/25/goodbye-farewell-and-amen-a-look-back-at-tabletop-test/ Mon, 25 Mar 2019 20:34:31 +0000 https://tabletop-test.com/?p=3054 Today is a bittersweet day for me: it’s the last time I’m writing for Tabletop-Test. It’s been nothing short of…

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Today is a bittersweet day for me: it’s the last time I’m writing for Tabletop-Test.

It’s been nothing short of an amazing experience. I cannot heap enough praise on site founder Dan Albright. He gave a small collection of diverse writers a wonderful opportunity to write about what we’re all passionate about: tabletop gaming.

I remember when Dan contacted me and asked me to join the team. After I read the site’s mission statement, I knew I was in: “Tabletop gaming is for everyone. Here at tabletop-test.com, it’s our mission to produce entertaining, informative, and thoughtful content that celebrates tabletop gaming and the people we play games with. We offer unique and diverse perspectives on your favorite tabletop games, including RPGs, board games, card games, and war games with a focus on being inclusive and approachable.”

From Day One, Tabletop-Test talked the talk and walked the walk. Every week I looked forward to what my fellow contributor writers brought to the site; we covered board games, miniature games, role-playing games, and much more.

Tifa Robles, founder of the Lady Planeswalkers Society, an organization that “creates welcoming, friendly environments to learn and play Magic: The Gathering regardless of gender, skill level, or anything else,” wrote several terrific gateway games guides, including Two Player Games, Social Deduction, and Family Games. I especially enjoyed Tifa’s series of Magic: The Gathering articles aimed at new players: “No matter what happens, always be respectful and courteous. This includes not overtly bragging about winning and not being a sore loser. The appropriate level of table talk might vary if you are playing in your living room with friends, but please keep in mind whenever you play in a store or public place that the environment is intended to be fun for everyone.”

I’m going to miss Warhammer Wednesday. Jess Townshend did fantastic work every Wednesday and I learned a lot about Warhammer, a world I’m not too familiar with, from reviews of Warhammer games to crafting tips. I loved her article about the changing Games Workshop culture: “Despite what some bigoted youtubers and hysterical dude-bros may claim; Feminists are not battling to take over the Games Workshop hobby. We already won and these relics of mediocrity just haven’t noticed.”

Likewise, Guest Writer Simon Berman’s series on skirmish war games was educational for me; as a non-wargamer I was immediately drawn into the worlds that Simon wrote about, from the Viking battles in Saga to the Gangs of Rome: “Like most of the current wave of skirmish historical games, it’s likely to leave something to be desired for serious historical gamers, but for anyone wanting a fun and very bloody foray into the vicious underground of Rome this is a fantastic addition to your gaming collection.”

TK Johnson, our resident RPG expert, explored the role-playing aspect of gaming throughout their articles. I loved their series on horror campaigns: “The low rumble in the belly of a hungry beast lurking just outside your field of vision…the cackle of a hideous coven of hags hunched over a bubbling cauldron…the whistling wails of ghouls, ghasts, and ghostly apparitions skulking in the mist at the edges of the cemetery…” And, as a foodie myself, I enjoyed TK’s articles on using feasts and festivities (“feastivities”) as a way to immerse players into a tabletop adventure.

Personally, I relished the chance to review board games and share my thoughts on my favorite game (Twilight Imperium) and board-game-related topics (fun mechanisms; resolutions to make gaming better).

Thank you to everyone who’s visited the site over the last year and for reaching out on Twitter. It’s been a real pleasure connecting with gamers from all over, talking about gaming and more. Although we’re done here at Tabletop-Test, I’m taking our diversity statement to heart as we move forward: “We all have biases, and no one is perfect, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying to be better. To do better.”

I’m proud of the work we did at Tabletop-Test. I’ll miss it.

Follow me on Twitter, Instagram, or ruelgaviola.com. Find my work on Geek & Sundry, The Five By, and I Slay the Dragon, and other places

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Warhammer Wednesday – Making Gloomspite Gitz Mushrooms https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/20/warhammer-wednesday-making-gloomspite-gitz-mushrooms/ Wed, 20 Mar 2019 17:15:30 +0000 https://tabletop-test.com/?p=3037 The Gloomspite Gitz battletome is a work of sheer brilliance, every part a finely crafted absurdity. It is excellent news…

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The Gloomspite Gitz battletome is a work of sheer brilliance, every part a finely crafted absurdity. It is excellent news that Easter is on the horizon once more; the time of year craft shops stock ideal bits for goblin themed terrain…

items used to make terrain

Tools of the trade

 

You will need…

  1. Selection of polystyrene eggs
  2. Wire
  3. Bases
  4. PVA glue
  5. Sharp knife (excercise caution)
  6. Glue spreading brush
  7. Modelling putty/clay (not pictured)
  8. Cuppa tea (not pictured)

 

The Armature

 

Step 1 – Making an Armature

First off get that cuppa down you. Oooh, that hit the spot.

Now take a length of wire. This will form the armature (essentially a skeleton for the model) we will be sculpting around and provides strength and structure. The length you need will vary on the height of your mushroom, variety is the spice of life so experiment. You will need at least 50mm to form the base of the armature, bend this 90 degrees and loop around to make a base that will support the armature in an upright position.

 

 

Build up a stem

 

Step 2 – Building the Mushroom Stem

All good mushrooms need a stem. Actually that isn’t true but it sounds good.

Mix up a decent size blob of modelling putty. Wrap the blob around the armature and shape into a cone shape with your fingers. Draw the cone up the armature, leave enough wire protruding to poke into the mushroom cap later.

Use a stick or sculpting tool to add ridges running vertically up the stem. This part isn’t essential and you may prefer a smooth stem. My personal philosophy is to always add texture which is what informed my choice here.

 

Making the cap

 

Step 3 – Making the cap

Grab your sharp knife and polystyrene eggs. Seek the supervision of an adult if required.

Slice horizontally across the egg to make a dome and erm… tall dome? We now have the basis for our mushoom caps.

 

Shaping the caps

Taking your knife once more (exercising due caution) and add some shape to the bottom of the caps. In the image above I have carved a concave bowl into one and ridges into the other. The hard edges where then rounded slightly to make them look less uniformly shaped. If you aren’t confident with sculpting the foam then skip this part and they will still look perfectly fine on the table.

Once cut and shaped your caps will need a couple of coats of PVA glue. This adds durability and prevents any solvents melting the polystyrene. Not to mention making it easier to paint.

 

Putting it all together

 

Step 4 – Putting it all together

Now take your cap and plonk it on top of your stem. The length of wire you left above the stem should slide into the cap and help secure it in place. A dab of PVA or blob of putty may be needed to fix it in place.

In the above image I’ve tried to show examples of the different mushrooms you can produce. Squat ones, tall ones, clusters. The limit is your imagination and available resources. Paint them in wacky and wonderful ways to brighten your table.

 

Step 5 – Spread across the mortal realms

Once complete your mushrooms make evocative scatter terrain. Alternatively plonk the bases down on existing pieces of scenery; showing the malign influence of the bad moon sprouting forth.

 

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Terror on Two Wheels: Lead the Pack in Flamme Rouge https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/19/terror-on-two-wheels-lead-the-pack-in-flamme-rouge/ Tue, 19 Mar 2019 22:16:59 +0000 https://tabletop-test.com/?p=3011 A pack of cyclists pedals its way across the streets of Paris, each rider looking to maneuver their way to…

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A pack of cyclists pedals its way across the streets of Paris, each rider looking to maneuver their way to the front. Suddenly, from deep within the pack one cyclist breaks to the front. The hunt is on!

From Stronghold Games comes Flamme Rouge, a racing game for 2-4 players. Each player leads a team of two cyclists in this game of hand management. Can you get one of your cyclists to cross the finish line first? Or will you be left in the dust, exhausted by your attempt to keep pace with your opponents?

Each player controls two cyclists, the Rouler and the Sprinter, each with a separate energy deck of 15 cards that determines movement; the Rouler has cards that move from 3-7 spaces while the Sprinter has cards that move from 2-9 spaces. After shuffling both decks, you’re ready to race.

Flamme Rouge is played in three phases: energy, movement, and end phases. During the energy phase, players simultaneously draw 4 cards from their energy deck, place one face down, and return the other three cards face-up at the bottom of their energy deck. Then, repeat for your other cyclist.

Next, all players reveal their cards and starting with the frontmost rider, move their cyclists according to their revealed energy cards. Cyclists may move through other cyclists, but cannot end their movement on an occupied square.

During the end phase, all cards played that round are removed from the game. Then, starting from the final pack of riders on the board, players slipstream if they have one open square in front of them, giving them one free movement and closing the gap between packs of riders. Finally, cyclists who have an empty square in front of them add an exhaustion card (which only 2 spaces of movement) to their deck. 

The first to cross the finish line wins the race. If there’s a tie, the cyclist who’s furthest past the finish line wins.

I like racing games and always enjoy Downforce, Quest for El Dorado, Formula D, and Camel Up. Flamme Rouge, however, is my favorite, thanks to its stripped-down game play. There are no pauses in the action to bet on who you think is gonna win. There’s no use of tiny cards for deck-building. And there’s no dice to determine your fate.

No, Flamme Rouge is all about hand management and putting yourself in prime position to win that final mad dash to the finish line. I love the fast turns in Flamme Rouge: you’re simply choosing a card for your Rouler and a card for your Sprinter then moving them. This quick game play is perfectly thematic for a racing game: it feels fast, even for a half-hour game, and it’s an excellent way to start or end your game night. 

I love the subtle strategy to playing your cards. Since every card you play is removed from the game, you can’t just play your highest card every time since you’ll soon have only low cards as you sputter towards the finish line. You want to make your cyclists work together, trying to slipstream whenever possible. 

Of course, this leads to everyone wanting to hang back in the pack since it’ll also protect you from taking those dreaded exhaustion cards. Smart play during the mountain ascents (all cards played can only move you a maximum of 5 spaces) and descents (all cards played give you a minimum of 5 spaces) can put you in the lead to stay or get you stuck in the back. And there’s nothing like that heart-pounding moment when you decide to play that 9 movement card to break away from the pack.  

While playing Flamme Rouge won’t get you closer to competing in the Tour de France, it can give you the same sense of excitement and competition. And the thrill of outwitting your opponents can be just as satisfying. 

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Emerald City Comic Con: Gaming in Review https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/19/eccc2019/ Tue, 19 Mar 2019 17:45:37 +0000 https://www.tabletop-test.com/?p=3024 This year there were far more games at Emerald City Comic Con than any one person could possibly play over…

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This year there were far more games at Emerald City Comic Con than any one person could possibly play over the course of four days! Cascade Games was there with Magic: The Gathering events, teaching Versus System, and supporting Bakugan with a fantastic booth display and featured tournament area. Playtest Northwest was there with many indie game designers showing off upcoming games.

It was an incredible show full of amazing games and here is a list of some of my favorites.

Chibi Heroes

 

 

 

 

 

Chibi Heroes was definitely my favorite find of the weekend. This adorable game, by the designer of ManaSurge, is a fairly quick Worker Placement game where you build up a team of cute chibi adventurers. The characters are absolutely precious and full of diverse representation. It was easy to pick up and every turn felt interesting. Players send heroes to gain resources, complete quests, recruit more heroes, or pick up a horse to ride (which provides a wild card resource every turn). Multiple heroes can be used together to complete a quest, which makes sense for an adventuring party. My favorite aspect of the game was that I wanted to do every action every turn because there weren’t actions that felt useless or boring. I also enjoyed the event cards, which are available under some of the quests. Event cards grant a special bonus to the player that completed the quest to find the event in addition to giving all players a small bonus. This made events feel good for everyone. The game was full of thematic relevancy and positive energy. It takes roughly 30 minutes to play. It is not yet available, but I will surely be keeping a look out on Frank’s Twitter for more information. This is a must have for my collection!

Pitchstorm

Pitchstorm is a super fun party game that can be played with groups as small as 3 or as big as you want, made by Skybound. Every round, one player takes on the role of an executive movie producer and players must pitch movie ideas based on one character card and one plot card. During the pitch, the executive producer can interrupt with a note card, forcing the player to improvise a change in their story. After all of the pitches have been given, the executive producer picks their favorite movie idea and that player gets the point for the round. You can play as individuals or as teams. I picked up the base game and the Date Night expansion because I think this will lead to some hilarious interactions with my creative friends.

Dark Forest

Local Seattle game designer, Alice Yuan, was showing off her adorable game, Dark Forest. This is a tile-placing game where one player represents the dark tree and the rest of the players team up to keep the world from being corrupted. It was fairly easy to learn and very family friendly. The pieces were super cute and the gameplay required lots of conversation, player interaction, and teamwork in order for the group to succeed. This game is still being playtested and sadly I couldn’t find any information about it online. I encourage you to follow Playtest Northwest or join them on Facebook to watch for a convention or opportunity where you can check out this neat game.

Honorable Mention: Blood on the Clocktower – I had played this game twice at PAX West and played it again during ECCC. It is an incredible social deduction game that I reviewed last year. The Kickstarter for this game is coming on March 28. I highly recommend backing this project!

Thank you tabletop-test for allowing me the opportunity to be Press at this convention. I had one of my best convention experiences ever!

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Beginner Planeswalker Guide: Tournament Rules & Procedure https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/14/bpg-tournament-rules/ Thu, 14 Mar 2019 18:19:32 +0000 https://www.tabletop-test.com/?p=3001 This is the final article in an ongoing series of Magic articles aimed at welcoming people into Magic: The Gathering! You did…

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This is the final article in an ongoing series of Magic articles aimed at welcoming people into Magic: The Gathering!

You did it! You successfully know how to play Magic: The Gathering. Maybe you’ve played in a Prerelease event or some Friday Night Magic events. But what if you are yearning to try something even more competitive?

There are lots of Magic tournaments available at a variety of competitive levels, the highest being Premier Events. If you are interested in some of these higher level play experiences, here are some rules you’ll need to understand and follow. I recommend following these rules any time you participate in Magic in-store events.

In order to play in an official sanctioned tournament, you must have a registered DCI Number.  Anytime you play in a sanctioned event, you earn Planeswalker Points and each time you win a game you receive more points. These points can provide advantages in future tournaments and the highest of points can even help you qualify for major events.

In addition to being respectful, there are many procedural rules for tournament play.

  • Be clear about where you are in your turn at all times and ensure that life totals are accurately reflected for you and your opponent. Also, be sure you know where your opponent is during their turn at all times and confirm with them if you are unsure.
  • If at any point in the game there is a discrepancy, any confusion, or a disagreement about how something works, always call a judge.
    • I highly recommend tracking your life total and your opponent’s life total via pen and paper. This provides a clear record for the judge to follow.
  • Rounds will be timed, so be sure to keep track of the clock and follow instructions when time runs out. Do your best to keep the game moving at all times.
  • Do not use your phone during drafts, deck construction, or while playing games.
  • Lands must be closest to you, with non-land cards in a separate area closer to your opponent.
  • Your library, graveyard, and exiled pile must all be on one side of the battlefield.
  • Do not ask for or accept help from spectators outside of the game or during deck construction (help during deck construction is acceptable during Regular tournaments).
  • Do not speak during drafts (this is fine during Regular tournaments).

Deck Registration is a requirement in Competitive and Professional tournaments, such as Grand Prix, Pro Tour Qualifiers, and above. You must fill out your deck registration before Round 1 starts. You cannot alter your deck once the form has been submitted. Below is what the form looks like for Constructed decks:

In addition to these procedural rules, it is also in the official rules to not cheat, bribe an opponent, or bet on the results of a match.

There is also a guide in the official rules for avoiding Unsporting Conduct that further explains what I mean by being respectful. These rules include refraining from using profanity and provide a policy against harassment and bullying.

Lastly, know that the Tournament Organizer and judges are there to help you. Feel free to ask them any questions you have.

I hope that this series has been helpful for sparking the interest of new Planeswalkers and has been used to help teach people this amazing game from the comfort of their own home. Thank you for reading!

Happy gaming!

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Warhammer Wednesday – 5 Arguments Against Female Astartes https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/13/warhammer-wednesday-5-arguments-against-female-astartes/ Wed, 13 Mar 2019 17:49:49 +0000 https://tabletop-test.com/?p=2994 You can’t change the LORE! Never in the history of Games Workshop has any of the lore or fiction changed.…

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You can’t change the LORE!

Never in the history of Games Workshop has any of the lore or fiction changed. Necrons have always been exactly the way they are. Orks have always grown from fungus. T’au have been around since the start. Certainly Leman Russ has always been a son of the Emperor possessed of godlike power.

Look wider afield. The fantasy element of Games Workshop certainly wasn’t blown up and reformed. I remember playing Age of Sigmar all those years ago and certainly don’t recall Bretonnia existing. With this in mind the addition of female astartes is plainly absurd.

 

Space Magic doesn’t work like that

Why would it? It seems ridiculous that a universe in which a ship enters unreality itself to travel; would also have artificial organs that work for women. The god Emperor of Humanity is the finest scientist and engineer ever to walk the Earth. If it was possible to make women into superhuman fighting machines he would have.

What next? Some guy hiding away on Mars for 10,000 years making bigger and better marines? Entirely new types of Power Armour? The idea the universe could support void shields is plausible, women as Space Marines? Pffft, no.

 

Mind bullets

It’s simple when you think about it.

 

No one wants them

At least no one who doesn’t want them, wants them. That guy who posts funny memes about Angry Marines and Sisters of Battle being prostitutes doesn’t want them. The guys at the club who are obviously the leading authority on community opinion don’t want them. Literally no one wants them.

I mean there are people who SAY they want them but they aren’t real fans. Some of them are even feminists who just want to destroy the hobby, or white knights wanting to impress the ladies. Look at the facts, no real 40k players want them.

 

Women aren’t stong enough

It’s just common sense really. There are no women athletes or soldiers in the real world doing amazing feats of endurance. This is such a fundamental and universally acknowledged truth it just doesn’t make sense to have superhuman women, even in fiction. Just look at Supergirl, Wonder Woman, Captain Marvel, Black Widow… entirely ridiculous characters no one would ever read fiction about.

It isn’t just physical strength. Emotionally women just couldn’t handle it. Men on the other hand are emotionally stable and ooze mental fortitude. Just look at men such as Boris Johnson or Brett Kavanaugh.

 

Chaos space marines

Daemons, mutation, possession, chaos incarnate! No girls allowed.

 

ANGRY SHOUTING!

ARRRGH! LISTEN TO ME! I HAVE MEME! BLARRRGHHLR MAAAAARRRRRGHHHHH SPACE MARINES! GAMES WORKSHOP PANDERING SJW. RUIN EVERYTHING. WHY HATE MEN GRRRRRUUUUUMMMPPPPP ARRRGGJJA CENUNURVUOWRVNWRNI X XNNCXPOW;W;W BBBBBBA;ODK23O=LKOPMWEPFN!11!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!1! LISTEN TO ENENQWJU MMMEEEEE I AM YOUR NEW LOGIC, LOOOOOVVEEEE MEEE AND DESPAIR.

 

In Summary

There are many reasons to oppose the introduction of Women into the ranks of the Adeptus Astartes. None of them are even remotely interesting or hold up to scrutiny. The sooner we have equality in the ranks of superhuman warriors, the sooner we can work on completing the feminist agenda to ruin 40k with interesting characters and dynamic stories.

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Combat To Go: Battle With Cards And Dice In Tiny Ninjas https://tabletop-test.com/2019/03/12/combat-to-go-battle-with-cards-and-dice-in-tiny-ninjas/ Tue, 12 Mar 2019 21:15:02 +0000 https://tabletop-test.com/?p=2987 As a sensei leading your ninja warriors into head-to-head combat with an opposing sensei, you’ll match wits over the types…

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As a sensei leading your ninja warriors into head-to-head combat with an opposing sensei, you’ll match wits over the types of ninjas you fight with, how many to send into the fray, and when to use your special sensei abilities to change the course of battle. Will you emerge victorious in this fast-paced card-and-dice game?

In Tiny Ninjas each player receives five random cards from the dojo deck. You’ll select a sensei with special abilities, from attack modifiers to healing powers, that you can use three times in a game. Set your health meter to 10 and let’s get ready to rummmbbblllleee!

On your turn as the attacker, play one ninja card faceup and determine if any damage has been dealt. Depending on the type of ninja, you may do either red or blue damage (both subtract health from your opponent). However, the damage may be a fixed value or you may have to roll either the shuriken or kunai dice to determine the amount of damage caused.

The defender may now choose to defend the attack by playing a card. If it matches the color of the attack, then it will have a value for the damage it defends against. The defender may also choose to just take the damage and save cards in their hand.

The attacker then decides on whether to continue playing ninja cards to attack. When they decide to end the round, they become the defender and their opponent is now the attacker.

And here’s the big twist in Tiny Ninjas: when you go from defender to attacker, you draw back up to the hand limit of five cards, but your opponent (the former attacker) does NOT draw any cards! They’re stuck with whatever was left in their hand after their attack. If they survive your attack then they’ll be able to draw back up to five cards.

The game continues until one player loses all of their health.

Tiny Ninjas is a terrific hand-management game that plays quickly and you’ll often hear “I want a rematch!” at the end of a match. The artwork and components are top-notch, from the colorful and cute art to the chunky dice and the collapsible dice tray built into the box. I love the fact that you can literally play the game inside the box, which is about the size of a paperback book: simply attach the walls of the dice tray and draw five cards each. As you play each card, it can go right back in the box!

It’s easy to learn yet offers plenty of interesting decisions during its short playing time, thanks to the brilliant decision to allow only the defender to draw back up to five cards. Instead of the typical card combat game of trying to figure out how cards combo off each other, it’s more of a push-your-luck element to the fighting. Do you try to finish off your enemy by playing all of your cards in a round, leaving you with no cards to defend against their attack? Or do you go for the win, hoping the dice give you the damage you need to conquer your opponent? It’s a fun balancing act that takes no longer than 15 minutes to resolve.

I love tiny games and I cannot lie: they’re cheaper, take up less shelf space, and are easier to transport than their bigger brethren. Along with Oink Games’ Deep Sea Adventure and Gamelyn Games’ Tiny Epic Galaxies, Tiny Ninjas is the latest small-box game that provides a big-box gaming experience.

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